Monthly Archives: November 2010

Dear Cobblestones in Richmond: An Open Letter

Posted on by
Reply

Dear Cobblestones in Richmond:

You think you’re so quaint don’t you? From your cemented spot in the ground, put in place since before automobiles, you look up as I precariously pick my way across your uneven and broken, ankle bone shredding surface. And I know you laugh.

But, Cobblestones, I want you to know that I am not impressed with you. Yes, you’ve seen many cool people come and go. And from your vantage point you can probably see up my skirt, you scamp, but you know what you jerk of a stone? You also been barfed on, pissed on, and get stomped on daily.

I’m on to you, Cobblestones. You’ve been out to get me since day one and I knew that my days were numbered. Yesterday, my  number came up and this is how you made me look:

I do not appreciate being mocked, Cobblestones! See how cute I was in my all black outfit? See how jaggedy and crooked you were in your haphazard style? As I was carefully picking my path you – out of nowhere – pulled the tap off my high heel and sent me flying forward and to the left so that I twisted my ankle like some model on a catwalk. My arms flailed out in a pathetic attempt to steady myself; I may have even swore as the contents of my purse came tumbling out onto your disgusting surface. Gross, Cobblestones. Gross.

Four people witnessed the event and laughed. FOUR, Cobblestones! Hell hath no fury like the wrath of me, Cobblestones!

So you may be surprised to know that I was not dismayed. One shoe tapless, I held my head high and stomped on each and every one of you as I made my way to my car. You can have that shoe tap, Cobblestones, as a reminder that I won’t forget. And as I walk obnoxiously loudly (until I get this tap fixed), you can be sure that with each step echoing and every hateful glare that I receive I will hate you more and more. And every time I tread your surface, I will stomp you and hope that you crack like the compressed dirt you are.

Good day!
Jessica

Feminism? Oh, I Thought that was Over: And Other Ridicilous Views

Posted on by
Reply

So suck it, passivists

The other day an acquaintance told me she thought feminism was dead. “We have everything: equal rights, equal pay…what else is there to fight for?”

When I tell you that I almost simultaneously laughed, suffered a stroke, slapped her, and wept, please know that I am but scraping the very surface of my immediate emotions.

To begin with: Feminism is NOT dead. And that is because we do not have equal rights and we most certainly do not have equal pay. And there are still oceans of issues to fight for.

Equal rights, my ass. Please show me the first man that was fired or laid-off after he went on maternity leave. “Women are on the verge of outnumbering men in the workplace” says some statistics. Well, keep your pants on boys, I’m pretty sure those numbers are still close to 50/50. But, you know what? One day we probably will outnumber the lot of you penis-having workers for a variety of reasons, not withstanding the simple fact that women outlive men on average, and more women are getting college educations than ever before. I am quite sure that I don’t have to remind any of you that across the board – experience to education to industry – women are paid 15% LESS than men. We may get to go to work with the big boys, but we do not get paid the same salary.

If you truly think that feminism is dead, or that we should save the fight for our daughters and their daughters, please know that you and your passive stance are the very problem with 21st century feminism. The work laid down by our foremothers, and then men who supported their cause, – women who were beaten when they tried to get suffrage passed, women who were abused by husbands and treated as property – we are doing a huge injustice to the work that they have done in order to make our lives what they are today. There has been tremendous groundwork laid, but there is so very far to go.

Passivity: the trait of remaining inactive; a lack of action. When insurance covers erectile dysfunction medication but charges outrageous premiums for birth control, there is a problem. When we are punished for having a baby and a career, there is a problem. When I bring home a paycheck that is short $0.15 to my male colleague’s every $1.00, there is a problem. When I’m judged by the height of my heels, the wave of my hair, the v-neck of my blouse, and the way my ass fills out my pants – when spell check identifies “foremothers” as a misspelling but acknowledges “forefathers” – there are problems. The terms “Glass Ceiling”, “Glass Hammer”, and the “Motherhood Penalty” exist for very real reasons today.

To the ladies AND MEN who are passive to feminism and think that it’s dead: open your eyes. Please. Your daughters need you.